Top 5 Things Herman Cain Wishes He’d Done Before Running for President

8 Nov

1)     Paid off the women who are now accusing him of sexual harassment and misconduct.  Men who insist on behaving badly must be prepared to highly compensate the women they’ve aggrieved.

When asked about whether the women who were alleging sexual harassment received compensation, Cain responded that he “he hoped it wasn’t much”. Obviously, it should’ve been a lot more. Three weeks’ salary, or whatever the Restaurant Association paid these women in hush money, wasn’t nearly enough to ensure their silence. That’s because three weeks’ salary is find another job money, not hush money. I’m sure Cain now wishes he’d ponied up. (It is suspected that the Restaurant Association paid more than the measly two or three months salary, but whatever it was, it wasn’t enough.)

2)    Practiced being President before auditioning for the role. As George “Dubya” Bush famously said on several occasions, “being President is hard work”.  You can’t just show up and wing it. You’ve got to read the policy papers in order to thoroughly understand the threats, both domestically and internationally, posed to the United States. If Cain had studiously engaged the material, he may’ve known ahead of time – as in before the campaign began – what the Palestinian right of return was, that China has nuclear weapons, or that his 9-9-9 plan was unworkable.

3)    Stopped singing folksy hymns on camera. It’s just unbecoming. And I’m convinced that all those videos of Cain singing helped the Uncle Ruckus caricature gain traction.

4)     Made black women, both in marriage and extramarital roving, the object of his affection. Sexual harassment and intimidation is never a good thing, but good ‘ol boys in South Carolina or Mississippi are more likely to abide black on black inappropriateness than black on blonde cavorting.

5)     Developed a thicker skin. The only thing worse than the sexual harassment allegations leveled at Cain is how he’s responded. Yelling and chiding reporters for asking the obvious questions is just childish. 

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4 Responses to “Top 5 Things Herman Cain Wishes He’d Done Before Running for President”

  1. tomas rivera November 9, 2011 at 5:28 am #

    another great article!

  2. JB November 11, 2011 at 12:53 am #

    I agree great article…spot on!

  3. Jim Bowman November 13, 2011 at 2:57 am #

    He didn’t yell, and what’s wrong with chiding reporters?

    • Yvette Carnell November 13, 2011 at 6:52 pm #

      Chiding reporters is fine as long as you’re not chiding them for doing their jobs. Asking the tough questions is what reporters are supposed to be doing. Nothing unfair about it.

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